Deeper Than Skin
by atlaswhite
Summary: Tintin is a boy. He has known this since he was just a child. He only wishes his body had agreed with him on this. An exploration of a transgender!Tintin. Tintin/Haddock
1. Chapter 1

_Tintin & Captain Haddock - Deeper than Skin_

1.

Tintin is a boy. He has known this since he was just a child.

When he was small, he had put on the clothes of a boy and identified himself that way to the adults. He hadn't thought anything of it at the time. Actually, it had just made perfect sense in his very young mind, and since his features hadn't developed yet, people believed him.

He was an orphan with nothing to identify him, and so he was sent to a boys' home without anyone knowing the difference. It was very lucky that he'd decided he was a boy back then, because everyone treated him like a boy and he got all the opportunities that came with that.

He was very much independent, and set out on his own as soon as he was able, so no one saw him developing into an adult. They never knew the difference.

The years went by the same way. He is a journalist now, works hard and makes a difference in the world. He has had many opportunities and so many exciting experiences, and he isn't even that old yet- just barely a man!

There are so few things that remind him of his secret. He would forget, really, if it weren't so important that he keep it hidden. After all, the world may be a big and fascinating place, filled with strange and unusual people and customs, but there are so many people whose minds are not as broad as Tintin's, not equipped to handle the people and things that they do not understand. He is a boy, and that is good enough for them, all they need or _want_ to know.

So Tintin remembers his secret and he keeps it hidden well. He bandages his (thankfully small) chest to keep it flat, and he carefully marks his cycle so that his periods won't get in his way- even though he can't often control when adventure will come calling.

These things don't hold him back at all. He is Tintin, brave and strong, whose mind _is_ broad and open to the world. There is no place he won't go and no culture he won't explore. There is nothing that holds him back, including the rebellious body of his, which had tried to make a girl of him.

He doesn't know what life would have been like if he had gone along with his body's decision, and been a girl. He doesn't dwell on it either, but he thinks he probably would have been adventurous anyway, so even then if he _had_ been a girl he wouldn't have had much time for being 'feminine', because he would have been out exploring.

It's much easier for him this way, so he counts himself very fortunate. The world might not be able to understand him, but thankfully it doesn't have to. He is so good at keeping himself hidden from it, even while he is busy trying to learn all its secrets. No one will ever have to know- and that's how Tintin likes it.

After all, Tintin is a boy. He has known this from childhood, and everyone who's ever met him has known it too.


	2. Chapter 2

2.

Captain Haddock is Tintin's dearest friend and he trusts him with everything. Tintin was never able to open up very much, really, but he has a special trust in the Captain that no one else could ever duplicate. They would do anything for each other.

There is no one who means more to Tintin than the Captain. The two have been spending more and more time together- almost every day now- and whenever the youth goes chasing after adventure, the Captain is always there by his side, helping him and protecting him, even though there is nothing forcing him to. They are inseparable.

However, the youth has kept his secret so diligently that even the closeness he shares with Captain Haddock hasn't given it away. The sailor who has been Tintin's constant companion and the only man he's truly been able to place his trust and faith in has no idea that he has such a secret, that his body is the way it is.

And now Tintin has started to wonder if he should tell him. Not because he feels guilty for keeping his secret, of course, because that is his own secret to keep dear and no one is ever even supposed to know but Tintin himself. It's that he _wants_ to share that vital piece of himself. It is the first time in his life he has ever faced such a feeling, such a desire. He never wanted to get close to anyone, but now... something has _changed_.

Tintin stands before his bathroom mirror, staring at the pale face staring back at him. He honestly thinks it would be foolish to tell the Captain, and because of that, he is torn.

The world might not accept Tintin, but the Captain is not the world. But that's the trouble, really. There is no one who's like the Captain, nobody who could ever take his place. What if he can't accept it either? What if he's angry at him for keeping this from him? What if he doesn't want anything more to do with him?

Tintin closes his eyes- just to keep from having to see the expression on his own face when he thinks these things. His emotions aren't easily stirred, so feeling this way is new and baffling and uncomfortable to him. He doesn't like it at all.

He collects himself and opens his eyes again, looks at his face and contemplates his features. He has such a smooth, round face- a "baby-face", some have said- and his blue-grey eyes and pronounced little nose could belong to a girl or a boy. There really isn't any difference, is there? If he grew out his hair, wouldn't he look just like a girl?

He can't imagine himself as a girl, though. It would seem odd to anyone else, but even when he takes off all of his clothing and backs against the wall so he can see more of himself in the little mirror, he can't think of himself being a girl. His small breasts and slight curves don't do anything to convince him that he ought to be a girl, that he ever _could_ be a girl.

Tintin shakes his head and steps into the bathtub. This has never been an issue for him before. Why is he worrying about it now?

Well, the answer is obvious, of course. He is concerned about Captain Haddock and what he would think- what he _will_ think, when he tells him. He wishes it didn't have to be an issue, that his body would have just agreed with him on the fact that he's a boy, but there's no changing the way things are.

Tintin sinks into the warm water and leans against the wall of the bathtub. He can't stop thinking about it now. He can't stop wondering what will happen, how the Captain will react. And for the first time, truly, he wonders why someone who is clearly a boy should have to have the body of a girl.

After his bath, Tintin dries himself off, bandages his chest up tight, and gets dressed. He whistles to wake up Snowy, grabs his wallet and keys, and then pulls on his coat, going over his checklist in his mind. With everything done, he sets off to visit the Captain at Marlinspike Hall.

Tintin has every intention of telling his dear companion this afternoon. He wants to share his secret with him, even though he is still concerned about what will happen when he does. He doesn't want to admit it, even to himself, but he is.

He keeps on thinking about it as he gets on the train, and all through the ride there. He watches the trees and countryside rush by and he carefully plans out everything he's going to say, and tries to predict how Captain Haddock might react to different approaches. He feels knots in his stomach- another new and strange feeling, it's very odd to him.

Of course, Tintin knows Captain Haddock very well by now, and he knows that he isn't a very judgmental person, really. But there is a tendency for one's mind to run away with him, always to the most terrible places, and by now it's crafted so many ways for this to end poorly that Tintin is starting to reconsider telling his companion at all.

By the time the train arrives in the station at Marlinspike, Tintin has planned exactly what he wants to say. He only has to say it. And that's really the hard part, especially since the logical part of him, the part that knows it's a secret for a reason and wants to keep it that way, has been trying to talk him out of it since he made the decision to tell the Captain in the first place.

Snowy hops down onto the platform after him, and together the two start off through the little picturesque town to the handsome old château. The air is chilly this afternoon, and the leaves are just starting to change color for autumn. It helps Tintin feel more relaxed.

By the time he and Snowy reach Marlinspike Hall, Tintin looks like the picture of confidence, just like he's supposed to. Just like he does most always, really. He walks down the path across the courtyard, past all the autumn-colored trees, up to the house itself, and knocks on the door.

In a moment, Nestor answers it cordially. He takes Tintin's coat and then goes to fetch Captain Haddock. Tintin is left alone with Snowy for a moment, but his look of confidence never fades.

Captain Haddock comes in just a moment later. He greets him warmly, like always. There's a big smile on his face, and he clasps the youth's hand and leads him eagerly into the parlor because he has something new to show him and tell him about.

Tintin can't help but smile, and he follows Captain Haddock without asking where they are going. He's learned his lesson about asking what the Captain wants to show him; he won't ever be told, but he will always find out soon, and the Captain does love surprising him.

It turns out to be an intriguing African artifact he'd found with the antiques in the basement, and oh, he'd just known Tintin would love it. There's a story to it, and after examining and discussing it, they get caught up in a whirl of excitement and curiosity and go down to the basement to go through the other things down there. It's a treasure hunt, and it keeps the two of them happy and excited and busy all afternoon, and well into the evening.

What Tintin had come to tell the Captain couldn't be further from his mind. The only thing that stops them- that _could have_ stopped them- is Nestor coming down to inform Tintin that he would miss the last train of the day if he doesn't head off soon.

Captain Haddock offers to drive him, to ensure that he catches it. Tintin agrees, reluctantly setting down an ornate old urn he'd been examining, and the two of them take their coats and set out together. On the way out, the Captain remembers the artifact- he rushes back to the parlour and surprises Tintin with it, insisting he keep it as his gift to him.

Tintin is unable to argue. He accepts it gratefully, feeling surprisingly warmed by the gift, and then the two are off.

All throughout the drive, the two talk happily about their afternoon together and all the things they'd discovered without even having to leave the comfort of home. They'll have to do this again soon, they decide, because there are still so many treasures yet to be discovered- not only in the basement, but throughout the beautiful and ancient château. There are antiques left behind by the Birds, and more importantly, artifacts left behind by Captain Haddock's ancestors.

Haddock offers gently to let Tintin stay the night, but Tintin has a few errands in Brussels in the morning, so he tells him it would be better if he stayed at home tonight. He thanks his dear companion, lightly touches his arm, and suddenly remembers what he'd come out to tell him just this afternoon.

Tintin takes a deep breath and tries to spit it out, but he just can't seem to, can't gather the confidence and remember the words he'd practiced so carefully on the train earlier today. Before he can even try, they've arrived at the station, and Tintin thanks Haddock warmly and bids him goodnight before getting out of the car, followed closely by his loyal dog.

Silently, he curses his own weakness. He has never had a problem like this before. He has never wanted to tell anyone his own secret before. And he has certainly never faced something he wasn't completely sure he could overcome before.

Tintin watches the Captain drive away and tries to remember what he'd planned to say. Perhaps if he repeats it all night tonight, he can say it tomorrow after his errands. Perhaps.


	3. Chapter 3

3.

Tintin and Captain Haddock both know one constant truth about the ginger journalist: No matter where he goes, there will be an adventure waiting for him. This is something he's usually brought on himself- going to America to conquer its gangs, for instance, or deciding that he must stop an international drug ring and find the antidote to the terrible Rajaijah juice.

Even when he stumbles into an adventure, or a mystery, the important part is his own resolve to follow it, wherever it leads, and find the resolution for himself.

That's how they got here- deep in the rainforest, trying hard to evade the gunfire of the poachers they came here to take down. They were hot on the trail, but now the tables have turned- just for the moment, but if they are careless, it would be the end of them.

Tintin pulls Captain Haddock down into the brush with him. The journalist's heart is pounding with excitement, adrenaline. His muscles are taut and ready to spring. His fingers tremble slightly with anticipation, anxious to move. He keeps his hand on Haddock's back, hoping to steady his companion; he can feel the powerful back muscles tense under the thick sweater.

They hear the men approaching, and in moments the villains come into view. Haddock shifts uneasily, like a great cat anxious to strike. But he's not foolish enough to try anything. They only have a handgun and a rifle, and too few bullets to do any real good. They are outnumbered and outgunned.

Tintin is acutely aware of every sound and movement. He hopes that these awful men will keep moving and miss them. But he is aware of the possibility that they won't, and he is already working on plans to escape.

Which route do they take? Should they use what's left of their ammunition to cover their retreat? Ah, of course they should. They've only got one chance, and whatever happens, Tintin is not going to allow himself or, more importantly, Captain Haddock, to be killed this way, by men like this. That just isn't going to happen, period.

Every second that goes by seems like an hour. The men draw closer, too close. But they just barely miss Tintin and Haddock's hiding place. They carry on their search, moving deeper into the rainforest, and passing by the two completely.

As soon as he can no longer hear them, Tintin peeks up over the brush. Seeing no one there, he pulls on Captain Haddock's arm, beckoning and helping him up. Without a word, the two leave their cover and they are off once more, in the opposite direction of the poachers.

The day will be theirs, but first they must get back to the village, tell the elders what they've learned about the terrible poachers, and regroup. They'll need backup, they'll need weapons. It might be tough getting it all together, but that doesn't matter.

What matters is- they've _got_ them! As he and Captain Haddock race through the rainforest, Tintin feels the rush of excitement he always gets when he's reached the climax of another great adventure. They're doing a lot of good, and he can already picture the story he'll write, it will be fantastic, it'll...

_BANG! _A shot rings out behind them and Tintin can't keep from giving a startled cry as terrible, overwhelming pain suddenly erupts in his shoulder. He stumbles, but quickly hides himself behind a thick tree. Gritting his teeth against the pain, he struggles with the strap of his rifle, but oh, it's just too hard to get it off with his shoulder like this!

"_Assassins! Pirates! Ostrogoths!_" Captain Haddock's voice is a roar as he fires vengefully at the lone man who'd decided to straggle or double back to find them.

His sheer presence must be intimidating enough, and his aim isn't shabby either. He has the lowlife running in no time, chasing after for a very short distance to get the scoundrel going. The Captain shouts more swears, waving his pistol in the air before returning quickly to Tintin.

Tintin feels light-headed and dizzy. He must be losing more blood than he thought. Having given up the struggle to free his rifle, Tintin sits on the ground, leaning against the tree, and shifts to get to his bag instead. Inside he's got some first aid supplies, he can at least tend to the wound until they can get back to the village- it's just so _hard_ with one arm not working, and he can hardly focus for all the pain...

There's the sound of someone approaching, and he readies himself the best he can, even though there isn't much he could do. He's grateful when he looks up, slowly, to the wonderful sight of Captain Haddock standing over him. The Captain looks so _anxious_, but just seeing him, Tintin knows there is nothing to worry about now.

Haddock puts away his pistol and kneels quickly in front of Tintin. He examines the wound, cursing, touching the youth's arm with such gentle fingers.

"Alright, Tintin." Haddock says. "I'm going to have to open your shirt, so hold still. You're going to be just fine, lad, I promise." He still looks so worried, and sounds it too, but there is a confidence in his voice when he promises that, Tintin can't help but believe him.

The journalist shifts, lets the Captain unbutton his shirt. He doesn't think anything of it, even as Haddock gets to the last button, then opens the youth's ruined shirt to show his narrow chest- and stops cold for a moment as he sees the bandages already wrapped around it.

"Tintin?" Haddock breathes.

Suddenly Tintin feels horror. He looks with widened eyes up at the Captain. He never did tell him, and suddenly everything is here, out in the open, and he has no idea what to say. His companion is no fool. It will take him only a moment to figure out what the bandages are there for, and then what will he say? What will he do?

Oh, he won't abandon him, Tintin is certain of that. But is Haddock going to stay with him once he's safe and cared for?

"C- Captain, I can explain..." He tries, his voice embarrassingly weak. It isn't like him, and it makes him feel terribly small all of a sudden. It doesn't matter to his great pride that it's only because of the injury he's just sustained.

"Shh." Captain Haddock gently pulls the sleeve down from Tintin's wounded arm, baring his skin and the bloody, ugly wound. He doesn't say a word as he tends to it, examines and cleans and dresses it.

Tintin does not like the silence, but he can't bring himself to break it, either. He entrusts himself completely to the Captain, all the while worrying about how the sailor will react later on.

Always dutiful, forever loyal, Captain Haddock takes care of Tintin, gets him back to the village and right to a doctor. There's a good clinic here, with physicians trained in the city to take the best possible care of their neighbors here at home.

Tintin pulls through just fine, like always. He's lucky; the muscle wasn't too badly torn, and with care his arm is going to be fully useable again soon. He doesn't _feel_ lucky, with the pain thrumming the way it is, and the grim, contemplative look that Captain Haddock has had on his face for hours now.

It's almost dark out before Tintin finally gets a chance to speak to the sailor alone, but when that chance finally comes, he finds that as long as he's been waiting for it, he isn't sure what to say.

Fortunately, Captain Haddock seems to have been waiting for this just as well, and he starts the conversation.

"So, you're a _lass_ then?" He asks, but it's really more of a statement. He saw the bandage. He knows Tintin's body isn't quite the way the youth would like it to be. And he could only draw one conclusion from it. "Why... why did you never tell me the truth? After all we've _been_ through, Tintin, I would have hoped you could trust me a little more than this."

Tintin sniffs, proud even despite the way he's feared this. "I never lied; I _am_ a lad."

Captain Haddock is looking right at him, his deep blue eyes focused and serious. "Tintin, I _saw_ you back there. You've wee little... little _bosoms_." He gestures at his own chest to illustrate. He's had plenty of time to get over the initial shock, but this has still got him all off-kilter.

"I know that, Captain." Tintin says quietly. "But I'm not a lass."

Haddock looks confused, but not dismissive; _trusting_ that there is a reason in Tintin's words, his logic. "I'm sorry? How does that work, then? You being a lad with bosoms and all?"

Tintin is reluctant to meet the Captain's eyes, but he does it anyway. "I know it sounds strange," he explains, "but even though I have a female body, I am a man all the same. I just... Well, I just _am_. I've always known it, ever since I just a small child- and nobody ever thought to question me about it back then. When I got older, I started binding my chest, because people might think I'm a girl and, and that there's something _wrong_ with me. But Captain..." He pauses, chooses his words. "I'm _not_ a girl, and I don't believe that there is anything wrong with me either. I just hope that you understand that."

"Ahh..." Captain Haddock does seem to understand. He'd travelled just as far as Tintin, likely even farther, so maybe he had encountered this sort of thing before, or at least _heard_ of it. Tintin never had, except in his own case. The sailor is silent for a minute or so, letting it all sink in, before finally he says, "I just wish you'd trusted me enough to tell me, lad. Maybe it isn't my business, but I do wish you had."

At first Tintin looks duly remorseful, but he lights up as he hears Haddock call him "lad" again.

"Tintin, I've certainly got no place to be judging you." Captain Haddock goes on. "And I hope you know that I could never think any less of you, especially for something as silly as all that. I might not _exactly_ understand it all but, well, it still doesn't change who _you_ are."

"Oh, Captain, thank you." Tintin is so overwhelmed by the Captain's response that it comes out as little more than a whisper. If his shoulder didn't hurt so badly, he thinks he would just have to get up and throw his arms around the sailor. Normally he'd be too reserved for that anyway, but there's nothing normal about this occasion.

Captain Haddock narrows his eyes at the youth. "But make no mistake, I am still cross with you for not telling me." He says.

Tintin laughs, so relieved and glad that he can't contain it all. "Trust me, I know, Captain. And you have every right to be."

"I know," Haddock answers, a smile crossing his face despite everything. It's so genuine, so _accepting_, and suddenly Tintin feels like a great weight has been taken off his shoulders. It is liberating.


	4. Chapter 4

4.

Tintin settles into Captain Haddock's arms, feeling warm and content. Amazing how little really changed when the Captain learned the truth, except that he became able to help Tintin to guard his secret, and look after him when his time comes each month. It actually brought them even closer.

But much has changed since then. Most of all _this-_ their relationship. Tintin had never known what it is like to really _love_, and he adores the way this feels- to love Captain Haddock. To be loved.

If Tintin were to reflect on it, he thinks that one of the most important things in their relationship is their acceptance of one another. He does not like it when Haddock drinks, but he has never judged him for it. And now the Captain has come so far in his recovery, hardly ever drinks more than two or three glasses in a day.

And Haddock accepts him entirely as well. Not only his body- although it did take some getting used to for the sailor, Tintin knows, once they finally made the decision together to be intimate- but his thirst for adventure as well. Tintin had once taken it for granted how much the Captain goes through, how he follows him so selflessly, but not anymore.

So Captain Haddock has his flaws, and Tintin knows he has his own, but these are really a part of what makes them who they are. And even though it can be difficult sometimes, trying, he accepts that, and feels wonderful knowing that his Captain does as well. Being accepted, body and soul- there is no way to describe how that makes him feel.

Presently, the two have just gotten back from a lovely dinner party. They are still dressed in their suits, though they've taken their shoes off and undone their ties, and they lounge contentedly on an antique couch together, happy to be home. The party was nice, of course, but now that it's over, it's a relief to have some time alone.

Tintin rests the back of his head against Haddock's chest, looks up at the other man's face. Haddock laughs softly, and Tintin can feel the vibrations in the sailor's chest. It makes him give a little laugh in turn.

Haddock tells Tintin how handsome he looks this evening, in that fetching suit, and Tintin chuckles modestly. It's true, he insists, he's never known a man to be so handsome.

"You think so?" Tintin asks.

"Have I ever lied to you, lad?" Haddock counters.

"No." Tintin replies, smiling. "Thank you, Captain."

"I didn't do anything," Haddock says. "Just telling the truth."

Tintin shifts, turns himself over onto his belly so that they are lounging front against front, with Tintin still on top of Haddock. The journalist puts one hand on the back of the couch and leans up to look the Captain in the eyes. He puts his other hand on the back of the sailor's head, fingers twining in smooth black hair, and kisses Haddock on the lips. He feels the Captain's strong arms slide over his back to resume holding him as he deepens the kiss.

When they part, they look at each other for a moment, before Tintin settles back down on Haddock's chest and belly, feeling accepted, and content.


End file.
